Crappy times.

Hi kids. Sorry for the lack of posting. You know the story.

Things have been a tad sucky lately.

Last week I was on the phone with my mom while at my friend Bil's house. As we were talking, I asked how my grandfather (my mom's dad) had been. I knew that he'd been having some heart troubles since late October. Things aren't looking so hot for him right now. All but one of his arteries are seriously clogged. He has two options, the last I knew. He could either continue on with his heart medication and he'd have a year or two left. Or, he could try getting open heart surgery. If he survives that, which is only a 50/50 chance, he'd have five or six more years. We also don't know right now whether the surgery would be paid for. He wants the surgery, because if he survives, he has plenty of time. If not, he doesn't suffer. I was in a separate room from everyone else at the time. As my mom was talking, I started to cry, but I was keeping pretty good control. Soon, I just started sobbing. I couldn't help it. I love my Grampa; he's an extraordinary man. I understand that he's in his mid eighties, and has led a great life, but I'm just not ready for him to go so suddenly. I just want my Grampa.

Oh fuck damnit all, Chris lost his keys. I'm already pretty overwhelmed, I don't want to deal with much more. I technically have a paper I should be writing. So on and so forth.

Fast forward to Thursday afternoon, I accidentally left my keys and flash drive in a computer in a computer lab on campus. (Not the main one.) I realized this during the evening. I go to the lab, it's locked. The next day, I go in there, and all that's left are my keys. No freaking flash drive. This flash drive has all of my writing from high school on it, and I really hate to think of what's happened to it. I'd almost rather not have my keys but have the flash drive. I'd gladly pay for my dorm and mail keys. I could get another set of house keys. But I can't get back four years of writing, plus additional stuff done outside of writing and high school. I've cried about it, been furious about it, and now I'm just left to my pitiful sulking.

(Chris found his keys, the lucky ass.)

I think today I lost my favorite purple fuzzy hat. I want to say it was a Chanukah gift. I think I lost it after French or Sociology. Checked by the rooms, nothing to be found. I can only hope that someone picked it up for me, or that I left it in the office that I hang out in. It's pretty much the warmest hat I own, also the one with the most character. Bil said it's the one I was wearing when we met. I just want it back. My head's cold, and I'm already sad.

I auditioned for the next 20 Cent Fiction show. We're doing "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead". I failed epically. I haven't auditioned for a real show in a WHILE. I was really nervous, I stuttered, and I lost my place in the monologue. Looking back, I don't even think I was that professional. I can only hope that some kind of good word was put in for me. I doubt it, though.

Going upstairs and crying quietly to myself sounds nice right now, but as per usual, I have to push on. I have a paper to bullshit through.

Happy Chanukah.

More later,
~*The Pie